We are so not the kind of people who charge all-inclusive resort trips on their home equity lines in the middle of a recession. Really, we’re not.

And yet. . . here’s an audio slideshow, from our recent trip to  Jamaica, where the preteen drank dozens of “free” virgin pina coladas and led sessions of afternoon volleyball in the pool.

Sadly, by the time we arrived back in Cambridge, the bill was awaiting. But that’s OK. This one was for the kids — a guilt trip, to be honest, to make up for uprooting them from their friends and schools in Roanoke. They’re used to complaining about our more typical cheap-O vacations where we drive everywhere (“Who drives to Canada from Virginia?!”) and camp (“I can’t even get a text!”) and stay with friends and relatives along the way.

As we were leaving the resort on Sunday, the teenager wanted to know: “If we took all our money and sold our house and everything, how long do you think we could live here?”